SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP! what do you do... how do u stop hating yourself... i just cannot be what i want to be and i always end up hating/guilting PLEASE HELP
cmaddie's picture

hey b_better, Ugh, I know it's so hard to deal in those moments when you feel so desperately down on yourself. First, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help and support. Give yourself a pat on the back for that, ok? There's no magic solution, but one thing that helped me in those really dark moments was to try to shift the focus to something outside myself, to some positive contribution I can make in the world, whether it's writing a letter, volunteering, whatever. Also, keep a list of your go-to stress relievers and use it! What can you do instead of stressing about your body? Sometimes it's really simple things...Take a walk? Listen to music? Pet your dog (if you have one, haha). We're here for you! And if you need to speak to someone, you can call the NEDA helpline at (800) 931-2237. They also have a click to chat on their website: myneda.org
walkingstories's picture

B_better be encouraged, you are loved. First thanks for reaching out in your time of need. I know it doesn't seem like much but it's a huge step. And you've come to the right place! I know what it feels like to feel disappointed in yourself when you don't reach your expectations. But you are wonderful the way you are right at this moment. IIt's difficult to see for yourself sometimes. Sometimes it's the people around you who know you better than yourself. If you need encouragement I know NEDAs hotline has some awesome people who find the beauty in everyone. I really hope to hear more from you!
springrobin's picture

I am in my 50's and have been fat, yes I said it, all of my life. I lost a lot of weight 15 or so years ago, and everyone told me how WONDERFUL I looked. That lasted about five minutes, and the weight came back. What they didn't know was that I went to bed starving every night, and sometimes I would go to bed at 8:00 because my stomach was hurting so bad from not eating. Why did I punish myself this way? Because I cared about what OTHER PEOPLE thought about me. How wrong I was. Your life is NOW. Not after you lose weight. Believe me, I was no more happy then, maybe less so, than I am now. I have to be honest and say that I would like to be thinner, but not to the detriment of my physical and mental health. My husband and my friends love me for who I am, not for what I look like. I dress well, get my hair and nails done, and all those other "girlie" things we enjoy. Sweetheart, you have a right to be happy. Embrace who you are RIGHT NOW. I have never met you, but I have felt how you are feeling. You can enjoy your life. You have a lot of us out here that care.

clippedwings's picture

I've been really struggling with this too. My psychologist told me yesterday that there is no one else that can be better than I am at being me. This was really helpful. Be yourself, be honest, and remember that only superficial people care about what you look like on the outside.
JoyfulNee's picture

Hello B_Better, First, thanks for reaching out. I know this can be a hard step when you are struggling. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help and support this is a big step and I commend you on it. You have came to the right place for encouragement and support. If you would like to speak to someone for support please feel free to call the NEDA helpline at 1-800-931-2237. The people who work these phone lines are really encouraging and helpful. Connie
Breelagh's picture

Just focus on your best qualities, and that will help you tremendously. It's not easy when you have so much negativity towards a certain quality about yourself, but by doing this, also work on this problem you have with your body image. Maybe focus on starting a fun workout routine that you can try to do everyday, that will relieve stress and make you feel like you're progressing. If you're not working on getting to your goals, you're just moving backwards even more. If you want to see the change in your body image, then MAKE it happen. Start eating healthier everyday, and you will also see results and you will feel so much better. Just stay positive and hopeful, and things WILL get better! I promise you! :) Much love, Breelagh <3
kittykatt's picture

I think that I have finally beat the negative thoughts in my head and then I catch a look at myself in the mirror and I want to cry because I feel like I look terrible. Everyone tells me that I look great but I just don't believe them. I hate myself for the way I look but I hate myself even more for the way that I obsess about the way that I look. Why do I care so much? I would give anything to be carefree. I envy the girls who don't pay attention to every single little pound. They look so happy, and have so many friends. For my entire life, all that I can remember is being on a diet. Missing countless activities and birthdays and events because I was at the gym, or I was afraid to go because it was a food related outing and I didn't want to have to eat something. Now I sit here all alone, looking back on all of the friendships that I lost because they thought that I just did not care about their birthdays or special events. I alienated myself from everybody that I was ever close to because I was afraid that they would judge me. Or I pushed them away because I opened up and they got scared away. I prevented myself from getting too close to anyone new because I was afraid that they would think that I was crazy. I have no friends. I have no best friend. All that I have ever wanted my entire life was a group of girlfriends but I push people away because I only have time to go to the gym. And lets face it, what woman wants to be friends with another woman who so clearly has an eating disorder? I feel like I can not relate to anyone because I have a constant battle with myself every day over calories consumed and calories burned. I always told myself that I would rather be alone but it was just a lie to myself. Now I just want to cry to someone but nobody in my life understands. Can anyone out there relate to my struggle??? Just one friend would make all the difference to me right now.
JuliaH's picture

Kittykatt--I'm sure so many of us can relate to how you're feeling and have felt the same way at some point. I for one definitely used to have a lot of the same thoughts that you're having, and know how hard it can be to see yourself positively. For starters, I'd really recommend seeking help from a counselor or someone similar. It's so helpful to have someone to talk to. Also, something that helped me was recognizing that the eating disorder's voice was not my own voice. If I looked in the mirror and started to say mean things about my own body, I tried to imagine that it was the voice of someone else saying those things, and that I didn't have to listen to or agree with what that voice was saying. Try to find little things about yourself that you do love and focus on those as much as you can!
sboggs33's picture


   Try to find something that you love doing and invest in it. For me, it was painting and writing. I was able to really get all of my emotions and feelings out on a canvas and paper. You are a beautiful human being with so much to offer the world. We all struggle in different ways and we all heal in different ways as well. Keep reaching out for help and find someone who you can really talk to. This website is a wonderful place to do that and meet others who are struggling, as well as coping, with feelings such as yours. Keep your head up, we are all here for you! 

gorgeousallover's picture

The only way to help yourself is to be a regular person. Be with the people you love, and remind yourself that your lefe is worth fighting for. This may seem cheesy but it's true. Don't give in to your thoughts. Do things that make you happy and be yourself.

real_me101's picture

But what if you feel like its just easier to believe the insults than the compliments? What if being with the people you care about is great but there's so many more who choose to bring you down? What if you cant be regular because your focus on trying to hide yourself???
This is by kristine Matz

Sklarjennifer's picture

I am so sorry you are feeling so down. It's hard I know! Don't give up on being you and please start talking to yourself better. Do you want to tell us what happened or if anything is going on or how you are feeling? Is there someone you can talk too?  One tool that I think is really useful are Louise Hays books and affirmations that you can find on the itune store. Please reach out again if you need to talk and also contact NEDA helpline at (800) 931-2237. 

Annie 2.0's picture

You know what has really helped me? Staying away from mirrors. I only look in the mirror when I'm washing my face or hands and there is one right in front of me, and when I'm doing my hair. I NEVER EVER look in a body-length mirror. I've been doing this for about a week and it has helped me to feel MORE confident! I'm learning to rely on my inner beauty for confidence. The funny thing: I find that other people still love me and don't care about looks as much as I thought. Shine from the inside out, darling! You are incredible.

doc123123's picture

One thing I've read that has helped other people and could be helpful to you is to change who you follow on social media accounts. Be yourself and stay positive.

trikkinikki's picture

I completely understand and it is so difficult. I like the acronym Find, another, thought. It reminds me that when I think...wow I am fat.... i need to distract and think something else.

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