at fault with myself

I have bullied by the same girl at my school for 2 years now. She physically bullied me once and when I told an adult about it they didn't really do anything. She has just started to bully me again and I don't know what to do about it. I am also really unhappy in my life right now. I have done things to myself for 2-3 years now and only 2 of my friends know about it. I really want to get help but I'm too scared to talk to my parents about what I am going through. I am also cutting back on food and dieting so I can feel perfect like all the other girls and so I can be what boys want me to be. I have been losing a lot of weight recently and people keep telling me to stop but the more weight I lose the happier I am. I also get mad at anyone when they accuse me of being anorexic or say I self harm myself but I actually do do this stuff. How do I tell my parents about what I am going through and get help? Why do I get mad at someone whenever they find out the truth about me?

kmk5848's picture

Hi hiddengirl1234,

     I am sorry to hear about how much you are overwhelmed with at school.  It was incredibly courageous of you to reach out and tell an adult when you had that encounter with the bully before.  I would encourage you to reach out to your parents, or another adult you trust (even a teacher or guidance counselor), that you can rely on and be honest with.  

     I understand that these situations are scary and it can be a challenge to open yourself up to others.  However, you are more than deserving of help and getting the care that you need.  Thank you for being so brave to reach out on the forums. Please know that if you need another resource, simply someone to talk to, the NEDA Helpline can be reached (M-Th 9am-9pm EST, F 9am-5pm) at 800-931-2237.  If it is an emergency situation and you feel you need immediate help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 800-273-8255.


Tornadogirl45's picture

I agree talk to your parents and get some help. I thought that losing weight would make me happier. It didn't. I felt empty and hollow and eating disorder would want more. Please try and reach out again that KMK5848 mentioned. Hugs.

kelsey207's picture

Thank you for reaching out here. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Please know that you are strong enough to overcome and manage these things.

I'll echo what the others have posted here; I think you should try and reach out to another adult you trust at school, or to your parents about the bullying. I'm sorry that in the past the adults weren't as helpful; maybe try reaching out to a different teacher or counselor, and consider mentioning that you have brought up this issue in the past and nothing was done. (That might help the adult understand that this is an ongoing problem.)

I also encouage you to talk to your parents about your dieting and weight loss. I hear what you're saying about the weight loss making you happy, but try to see that you can't continue in this way forever. For the "ED voice" in your head, no amount of weight lost will ever be enough. It's hard to work through these thoughts and behaviors on your own. NEDA has a great page that can walk you through some of the concerns about telling someone what you've been going through: . If you're worried that your parents won't understand what you're dealing with, you can consider giving them a copy or a link to NEDA's Parent Toolkit, which has lots of great information about disordered eating and care: . You can also call or chat online with the NEDA Helpline. The volunteers there might be able to help talk you through what to tell your parents and what your next steps might be: .

There are a lot of misunderstandings in our society about eating disorders and mental health in general, and this can make people feel ashamed of what they're going through. The ED can also make you feel like you need to be secretive, and like you don't want to be "caught". This might be why you get upset when people learn what you're doing or tell you to stop. However, in order to be healthy, it's important to reach out and tell people you can trust about what you're going through so they can help. It's hard, but I know you can do it! You are a strong, capable person.

Good luck, Hiddengirl1234! Please keep us updated on how you're doing!

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