getting worse

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getting worse

I started to get better for about a day but then I saw myself in the mirror. I saw my fat thighs and my fat stomach and I broke. I fell into my bad habits again. I am fasting and I feel awful all the time. Today after lunch I started to feel very dizzy and lightheaded and I felt as though I was going to faint. I have no energy ever but I need to work out but I can't because I am too tired. People judge me when I don't eat. I just want to be skinny. I want a thigh gap. I've tied a string around my stomach so I don't eat too much. I wish that being skinny didn't have to be this difficult but I want to be skinny so I'm going to do whatever I have to do in order to be skinny.

Hi Hiddengirl1234,

It's great that you had a day when things were getting better! Please don't see this as a setback. Recovery is a process and dealing with all of these thoughts and feelings takes time. I'm sorry to hear about all of your physical symptoms that are resulting from the fasting. It must make it hard to get through the day when you feel dizzy and lightheaded. Have you tried "arguing" with the ED voice when it tells you that you have to be skinny to be happy? Have you told the voice that even if you lose weight but you're sickly and dizzy and lightheaded all the time, then it won't really be "worth it"? Try and remind yourself of other things that are important to you besides your weight. There's more to life than how you look, and even though the ED voice makes things seem black-and-white, the world is much more complicated and weight loss doesn't automatically make you happier. In fact, there are lots of dangerous consequences to fasting and restricting that could leave you with serious health problems or worse. Have you spoken to any adults in your life about what you're doing and what is on your mind? Talking with a trained professional, or even in a support group with people who can relate to what you're experiencing could be really helpful. If you want to talk with someone at the NEDA Helpline about some options, you can call or chat online: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline . Please consider reaching out! You are worth it. You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3

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