It's been almost a month since I stopped my eating disorder, and it really is harder than i thought. I thought that maybe when I stopped things would get better with my parents, but I think it got worse or stayed the same.The hurtful words and threats are still there, and There is still no support at all. My parents don't even know how hard this is, how much it hurts to deal with this major problem everyday. They are always thinking for me, speaking for me, they call me stupid, they say im messed up, and I'm really starting to believe it. I feel like a failure, like i dont belong in this family. Iv'e always felt this way, ever since I was younger, but now I just feel anxious to get away from this place. I know it sounds cruel, but I really don't want any part in their lives, I just cant deal with their insults and the abusive threats. I don't know what to do, I have nobody to talk to about this, and it really hurts having to go through all this alone. I don't want to burden my friends with all my problems so I can't even say whats on my mind to them. Every time I try to find the courage to talk about it with someone, all that comes to mind is when I could hear my parents yelling at me for being diagnosed with depression. WHAT TYPE of people would yell at someone for being DEPRESSED??? I never planned to become depressed, just all the personal issues and stress put on me made me feel drained. I feel so helpless and just dead. I feel like im just going through lifes motions everyday, but inside It is so hard to just keep going. Im not suicidal or anything like that, but I really don't know where I should go from here. My parents have told me that I should "never tell anyone else about the problems at home, that it should stay just between the family" So on top of everything, I feel so guilty that I am even telling people this. Im not looking for sympathy, or for anybody to pity me and feel sorry for me, but im looking for advice or any support. I really need any support right now, If there is anybody out there who had gone or is going through something like this, please contact me. I will take any advice I can get.
i know i have posted before this, and i said that everybody is beautiful and that nobody should hurt themselves in order to lose weight or to make themselves "perfect". I still think that, and that everybody is beautiful inside and out. Please don't think im a hypocrite and that im now contradicting everything I have said.