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It's Heather. Like the flower.
So, hey there guys. I honestly have no idea why I got the sudden urge to post here, but I guess I really just need to talk to someone, or let a few things out. I don't understand anything anymore it feels like. A year ago, (or well, close enough) around April or May-ish, I skipped a meal for the first time. It was at school. I was an 8th grader. It felt so amazing, the slight hunger in my stomach. So I did it again. And again. I kept at it for 3 days. Nine meals skipped. I remember the feeling. I was in such awful pain, but that pain, it kept me from focusing on the pain I felt inside of me. (things were really, really, bad then. Maybe I'll elaborate more on it some other time) Then my friend shoved a roll in my mouth at lunch. She made me eat all of it too. Ever since then, I've dealt with eating issues. I've never been full out anorexic/bulimic. I've just had problems with eating, when things get bad. It just depends. When things get bad, I either don't eat at all, or eat too much, then feel bad about it, and feel that I have to skip meals to make up for it. This happens quite often, to be honest. It's awful. And I don't even know what to do. I want to eat, but at the same time, I don't. And I feel so alone. Even with all these bodies around me. It's like NO one understands. Or well, that's how it feels. Hope I can talk to some of you guys soon. Stay strong.

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Comments

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 19:03.
Naveseay says:
Why, hello Lauren. :) Why thank you. As you can see from the comments previous to this, I'm trying to take this entire experience and spin it into something greater. You see, when I was younger, I never really had that "positive self esteem" influence (besides my parents, but I was convinced they were just lying to me to make me feel better). With this project however, younger girls (and any other girls who might participate!) will get that foundation that I personally never experienced - but needed. I'm hoping that with this little extra boost, those girls can go to middle school (and high school and even college, as well) and take any hit yet still keep getting up, no matter what. I'm also hoping this will leave a mark on girls to stop all the bullying and body snarking - to just accept everyone for who they simply are, beautiful and all. I want to show this next generation that we need something like this. We don't need to be at each other's throats, creating us into girls that hate what we see in the mirror. To show them that we are beautiful and capable of anything we set our minds to, and that we should use that to the best of our abilities to make the world a better place.
Mon, 05/14/2012 - 19:03.
Naveseay says:
Why, hello Lauren. :) Why thank you. As you can see from the comments previous to this, I'm trying to take this entire experience and spin it into something greater. You see, when I was younger, I never really had that "positive self esteem" influence (besides my parents, but I was convinced they were just lying to me to make me feel better). With this project however, younger girls (and any other girls who might participate!) will get that foundation that I personally never experienced - but needed. I'm hoping that with this little extra boost, those girls can go to middle school (and high school and even college, as well) and take any hit yet still keep getting up, no matter what. I'm also hoping this will leave a mark on girls to stop all the bullying and body snarking - to just accept everyone for who they simply are, beautiful and all. I want to show this next generation that we need something like this. We don't need to be at each other's throats, creating us into girls that hate what we see in the mirror. To show them that we are beautiful and capable of anything we set our minds to, and that we should use that to the best of our abilities to make the world a better place.
Mon, 05/14/2012 - 14:59.
Misslbooker says:
Good morning, I am Lauren , one of the moderators. Heather like the flower. A flower you are. Like a flower you need food and water to grow into a more beautiful you. I truly can empthaize with what you are feeling, and yes even how you are handling it. I have been there. Not a roll in my mouth, but a protein shake! You are strong, b/c it took strength to post this and ask for help.
Mon, 05/14/2012 - 10:48.
Naveseay says:
Everything around me is fueling me. My poor grades (in math/physics), a currently broken friendship, my unsure-ness of my boyfriend, my friend still having a crush on my boyfriend. So far, I've created an email (thinkbrightthinkbeautiful@yahoo.com), and a Tumblr. (http://thinkbrightthinkbeautiful.tumblr.com/) Send me an email if you have any ideas for the program/commentary on the website! I currently am in love with these color choices, and I think I've gotten a grasp on a logo. (which will be provided on the Tumblr soon enough) I'm having fun with this, already creating a few "projects" for the girls. I've got three years to establish this into my liking, and I'm going to do it right - I don't want this to be a failed cause. I'm going to do my research and my time, and I'm going to put forth my all. This WILL be great. I will touch at least ONE girl, that's all I want. I want her to realize she's beautiful, just the way she is.
Sun, 05/13/2012 - 22:07.
Molly says:
I think that's great that you are trying to make something good out of your struggles. That can be pretty tough to do and it shows a lot of strength.
Sun, 05/06/2012 - 22:06.
Naveseay says:
Thank you, Molly. Lately, I've been struggling. And when I struggle, I throw myself into my work: and this is included in my work. I really just want to make an accomplishment for once - one that won't make a negative influence on either myself or the people around me.
Sun, 05/06/2012 - 19:19.
Molly says:
Wow, Heather! That really is amazing! I'm sure you will make a difference for a lot of people.
Sat, 05/05/2012 - 12:46.
Naveseay says:
I'm calling it "Think Bright, Think Beautiful!". The project is supposed to help the community, as well as be something we would like to continue on after high school, possibly. What I want to do is visit 5th grade classrooms, and separate the boys and girls, and talk to the girls privately for 45 minutes or so every week for x amount of weeks. I'm aware boys also can develop low self esteem and eating disorders, but I personally do not know how society or the media affects boys as a whole, as well as the simple fact I feel they would listen to a boy over a girl, anyway. (However, I'm thinking about making this a joint project, and getting a close guy friend that may be interested in the topic to do the same thing, but for the boys, not sure yet however) However, the whole thing is going to teach those young girls that they can do and be anything they want to be. The goal will be to encourage them to be independent, confident young women in the future. The reason I'm starting in 5th grade is because I feel if they have that solid foundation before getting to middle school, they will be a little bit stronger to fight against any mean comments that come their way. It's right in the middle, too, so. One activity I want to do with the girl is something similar to a campaign promoted by Seventeen magazine, and near the end of my session with the girls, we all take a picture together, although, we will be painting a heart on a body part they love about themselves/will learn to love, and that will be first success' photo. c:
Sun, 04/29/2012 - 22:27.
Molly says:
Heather, that sounds so cool! I can't wait to hear more about it!
Tue, 04/24/2012 - 02:00.
Naveseay says:
Things are always going to be sketchy at first - I'm going to have my good days, and I'm going to have my bad days as well. I'm currently on the edge of finishing up this story I've been writing about my struggles with self esteem and such, and my dad says it has the potential to be published, so I'm going to try my luck when I finish. It's a dream of mine to try to get published - it'd be a miracle to BE published. I also experienced some encounters with my "project" I wanted to do, and have decided to switch it from "eating disorder awareness" to "you're fine just the way you are". I'll bring some more details soon. :)